The Sports Bra & The Beast [Blobette Speaks]

Yeah.. I think Disney got it all wrong. That would have been a way cooler story, with twists and turns and saggy boobs..???!!!

SERIOUSLY?

So Kim put a new banner up, which I think is fantastic-- but it leads me to think only 5 things (one of which you will hear right now).

Why the crap don't sports bras hold my boobs where they should be?? Urgh. See.. if I were skinnier, and less boobed then PERHAPS the girls could sit comfortably on Mt. Flesh without running for cover in the valley.

Also, don't lie.. you think my workout fashion is fantastic. I know, I know.. spray painted tshirt, winter socks and some sweat pants baby............

It's okay, your envy only fuels my greatness.

So now that we've covered the basics of breast placement 101, so let's move on to the next course in our lesson today.


THE BEAST.

Yep, there she blows.. the workout beast in all her glory. So smug, standing there atop her throne o' fitness; mocking me for my sheer inability to correctly execute a push up. There's no crying in baseball, and apparently working out.

So Kim & I previewed our fate today by watching a bit of Lady Jillian here's workout DVD. I haven't even started my first lunge yet and already she mocked me for my noobness! (Urban Dictonary has plenty of colorful explanations at to what the term "noob" means, for all my non-gaming lose---I mean, buddies :) )

So.. I have already concluded that this beast will not get the best of me. Her trash talking, smug looking, yelling, wanna be drill instructor, skinny heffa being will get my fat behind in to shape. She better, or Kim wants her money back :)

The DVD says that you will lose 20lbs in 30 days. CLEARLY I am not an idiot. I know how these things work.. you have to work your tush off and kill it just as the dvds show you--- that may, or may not happen.. but we do intend on working at it until we can do all three stages (LOL @ YOU STAGE 3 YOU THINK YOU SOOO FUNNY GIRL).

Basically, I'm going to do this mess.. it's going ot happen. I'm gonna get hot and sexy and wear that same little outfit that she's wearing. Wait, no.. Nix that, I'm going to wear this:

Yep, that's right.. I'm gonna rock it out like Princess Leia. So what if it was insulting to her in the storyline. I'm not a slave & I think it's saucy.



Well, you folks have a lovely evening.. I'm going to continue to stew over my anger at the failure that is sports bras.

The Blobette is OVA & Out xoxo

More like jumping around like a crazy person....

So tonight was workout night number 2 (we didn't get to work out last night bc of my husband and him being an oblivious stupid head....lol). Ashley and I attempted to get further along in the dancing with the stars dvd. We did better than night one, but we still just looked like a couple of mexican jumping beans. We basically accomplished walking in place, a step ball change, and doing the twist. The rest of the time we just kind of jumped around like idiots. haha. It was amusing to say the least. If you can't laugh at your friends, who can you laugh at? At one point Ashley just broke down and started doing the robot...

We pushed onward through the dvd and randomly she started adding kicks! ?? Who knows where they came from but I wasn't going to let that opportunity pass me by!!

Eventually we made it through and decided to stretch for a bit and put in Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred dvd... We found ourselves sitting on Ashley's living room floor and doing all the arm movements. Then Ashley's son decided to join in... He was doing better than both of us combined!! Darn 6 year old with his limber body! So not fair!! But check him out "lifting weights"...

Haha... Isn't he cute? And yes, those are cans of vegetables...

Well, seeing as HE could do it, we thought we might give it a try... How hard could it be right?

Harder than it looks... Poor, poor Ashley.  Needless to say we gave up on Jillian Michaels (for now) and decided we would try again at a later time. So the rest of our night looked like this....

I know I used a lot of photos tonight, but I felt like they were worth sharing and well, I thought they were funny... Ashley and I are going to take more pictures I'm sure, so expect more photos as the blogging continues... We are determined to document this entire process using a variety of media, so expect a video or two soon as well... ;)  Until then, this is Boobzilla logging out!

Death By Carrot- The Blobette Sounds Off

"But they are so healthy, full of vitamins (please insert the Bear Grylls accent upon reading that) and all things holy in the world of nutrition..."

Well, I say to that..
probably so.

HOWEVER.. I wanna go on the blog record here and say that when it's past midnight and all you want is a huge creamy bowl of ice cream.. they are the center of all things evil. I mean, they may as well align with the Sith, that's how bad it is.

Lucky for my fat rolls, I have no ice cream. I actually don't have anything fun to eat. I have no chips, I have no bread.. I DONT EVEN HAZ CHEEZE?

It's cool though, I'm finding comfort in the bottom of the bowl of carrots.

I am dipping them in ranch, so I'm nearly positive that any healthy thing they possess is null and void at this point.. but we're going to go with it. It's a mentality thing I do believe. Eventually, I'll do this by habit, without having to reach for the ranch or sweet tea to wash it down. One day, I'll crave this right? Right??

Even if I don't.. I won't deny myself a creamy bowl of ice cream-- but I'll eat it out of a 1 cup measuring cup verses my luxurious, deep, ice cream ready bowls that hold oh so much of that lovely goodness.

This post held next to no value, but I have to turn to something right?

Also-- Kim & I didn't work out today. She was doing "things" with her manz. Okay, so I don't really know what she was doing.. but it's all good. This will now become our free day (or yesterday.. since it's now after midnight)

I did challenge myself though. Every time I go to eat something that I shouldn't (like a kit kat.. or the leftover cupcake mix.. whatevs).. I can have it if I really feel like it will alter my existance.. BUT.. I have to twist/run in place for 2 minutes before I can have it.

That may not sound like much to you, but in my moment of guilt that I was looking for food at midnight (I swear, I'm not an over-eater.. I'm just hungry all the time:) ) I made myself do just that right there in my kitchen and holy monkeyballs.. I felt like I died and went to exercise hell.

One day that won't hurt. One day that won't be anything to me.

It's all about the endgame, baby.

Blobette is Ova & OUUUUUUT.
<3

My Turn!!

Howdy ya'll!

I see that Ashley has made some introductions so I thought I would jump on here and say a few words myself! First off, I'm Kimberly. Nice to meet you!! I figure we should get aquainted seeing as we are in this for the long haul. Ashley and I have been talking about doing this ever since we met, which is coming up on like 2 years now. (Jeez Ash, can you believe we've known each other that long??!!) Anywho, we both FINALLY have the time to get ourselves into shape (anything other than "round" will be good). So we've decided that we are going to try to make it as fun as possible and switch up our routines to keep those muscles guessing!!

Ashley and I are 2 completely different shapes and sizes and so we have different individual goals. Ashley is super tall (like 5'10) and I'm pretty short (5'2). We both are going to work on our midsection  - doesn't that sound better than our fat bellies?

I want a flatter stomach and to lose this double chin thing I've got going on...ugh... and then I want smaller boobs and some semblance of a butt.

Now before you girls start asking, YES, you can definately have some of my boobs, you pay for my surgery and medical expenses and they are all yours. Oh what? You don't have that kind of money? Well neither do I. We be broke up in this joint so we are doing this old school. No fancy liposuction for us fat girls, we actually have to do some work.

I am currently.... wait for it..... a 32HH (probably a 32J now bc my bras are getting a bit snug). WOW you might say, yea sure wow... I love my boobs, don't get me wrong, but these suckers give me so many back problems, not to mention that my bras cost me over $100 a piece - did I mention I was broke??? -  AND I have to special order them from overseas!! No freaking thank you! I can't wait to be able to buy a $20 bra at Walmart. Yea, I said WALMART. Victoria ain't got no secrets for me.

Now since good ol' Ashley shared her number with you, and I promised her that we were in this together, I'm gonna throw my number in the hat too... Little ol' me is weighing in at ................. 160lbs.

Oh it's so awful.... lol. I really hate this picture, so it's my goal to change that. I'd like to be able to take a picture and go Dang!! I look GOOD!!

Ash and I haven't worked out all the details, but we're gonna be working out at least 15 mins a day, almost EVERYDAY! We'll be using a variety of methods, some include Dancing With The Stars DVDs, Jillian Michaels DVD, walking at the local park, and maybe some yoga. I have the P90x system, so we might just steal a few of those too...

Tonight we tried one of the dancing with the stars DVDs. Oh. My. Dad. That girl must have assumed that you were beyond beginer level bc she was SO fast. At one point I just started doing the twist for like 5 minutes straight bc I couldn't keep up with her. Ash and I were jumping all over her living room. I think we got more of a workout laughing over our sad attempts to keep up with the video than actually doing what was in the video. Needless to say it might take us a while to get that good. We then proceeded to watch the rest of the video as we stretched our muscles. I don't think we'll be moving to section 2 of that video any time soon. The next girl had thighs like a line backer!! Her legs were bigger than both of mine put together, but hers were all muscle! Needless to say, I'm a little jelly over some of these girls in the video. It's just more motivation to work harder to reach our goals.

So stick with us. We are normal girls just like you. We've decided that this will be good for us. If we have you guys to help cheer us on too then that will make this even more exciting. If you have any questions for me or Ashley, feel free to hit us up in the comments below and we'll be sure to get back to you in our next posts. Until then, this is Boobzilla logging out.

Well Hellller There.. A note from "The Blobette"

So, I'm just going to jump right in here with this thing and say one thing. Hello, my name is Ashley & I'm fat. Wooooosh, blew your mind there didn't I? I mean, it's not like it's not painfully obvious from any photographs you may see of me.. but contrary to popular belief, it's true. I. am. a fat girl. I'm not just one of those fat girls who has a little extra pounds hanging off of her bikini.. ooooh no, I'm a moo moo wearin', sweat pant needin', winded going to the mailbox, snoring in my sleep, flab on the abs kinda fat girl.

First thing's first.

Welcome.
(I said that in one of those Disney villan voices, just FYI.)

So.. this blog is now born & it's actually going to be a joint effort. You shall meet my frand soon enough. Boobzilla will be making her own post about her feelings on this whole thing.. but until then, you have me. Lucky, lucky you.

There's no shame in my game, so clearly you already know my name.. but if you choose.. we each have our own fat girl identities. I.. I am the Blobette. She, clearly, will be recognized as Boobzilla. Yeah.

Oh.. and before you go on a rampage telling me that calling myself names is some morbid form of self hate. Let me tell ya something missy; I've been fat. I'm down with it.. and until recently, I embraced it. I really wouldn't have a problem with it if I weren't horribly unhealthy really. You can werk it (you know.. werking it is WAY more work than just simply WORKING it) and be a big girl. Big girl say whaaa?

So anyway, here's this blog.. and it's going to be a sort of weight loss journey. I started today. Notice that today is actually the 2nd (possibly the 3rd before this is posted) of Jan. It's important that you understand that this is not a New Year's Resolution. Crap, speaking of that.. I kinda forgot it happened. I'm pretty sure I was in some imaginary world of Jedi & such when the New Year rang in.. but it's all good in the fat girl hood.. because 2012 is here and I'm going to show it just what is up.

This isn't a journey that I'm doing alone per say. I have a buddy who is going to be coming together with me on this. I've already told you that.. but I do want you to understand something. We're starting it together and if all goes as planned, we're finishing it together. This though, doesn't mean that it can't feel lonely. I stress that I have this buddy.. but please understand that I have to lose her ENTIRE body.. while she has to only lose my leg's worth of weight. It's going to be tough for the both of us, and in our own rights we will have a hard time adjusting to what we have to do. We live a certain way, and now that's going to have to change.

I think all weight loss is a personal thing, and I don't think there is one thing that is key in the loss of an entire human body's worth of fat.. and I really have no freaking clue what I'm doing. I'm taking it one day at a time, and I don't expect immediate results.

Well, what exactly IS my plan you ask?
Heck if me and you know.

I do have some "goals".. so let's start there.

For the next two weeks, I'm doing at least 15 minutes of workout a day. I don't have a gym membership because I'm broke. I can't really leave my house.. so my lovely little living room shall become our Gym of all things Fantastic.
Yeah.. so it should be cleaned a bit.. but the cleaner in the background (all natural, baby!) should be proof enough that I put forth an effort from time to time. Also, I am aware that my child's bedhead is the most amazing thing you have probably ever seen in your entire life. Try to not envy our elite hair-didin' skills too much.

Anyway, back to the moral of the story. I have a lot of weight to lose and we're using my living room sans the Star Wars game on the floor as our gym.

We dove right in tonight with one of her Dancing with the Stars DVDs. First-- I respect the way they were made. I am pleased to see a workout DVD that doesn't spend 50 hours teaching you the same ball change step over and over (I have a background in dance, but that was 200lbs ago).. but.. as previously mentioned. I. AM. FAT. Hoooolllllly chocolate bars. That chick just went "OK here's your step, now GO". Whew! We went for about 15 minutes, but I must admit that about 10 minutes into it my ball changes were more like changes and my kicks were more like squishing bugs.. but.. I kept moving. I think that's the most important part at first, always keep moving.

So.. our plan is continue this routine all week until we can go the whole 15 minutes without dying-- but the turns, forget the turns.. no turns.

Also, you can't see it from the photo, but my foot met my tiny little coffee table many times tonight. 'Twas pure entertainment.

Well.. now that you know a bit about what this is going to be about.. I'm going to give you the cold, hard facts. I'm going to give you my starting weight. I am doing this on faith, and the fact that I have one hellova personality to make up for my lardness. You won't judge me for it, because this is a weight loss blog-- and if you judge me, kittens will get microwaved by evil monkeys. Yep.

So..... drumroll please...........

I am currently 320 lbs of pure excitement and divaliciousness. She's under there, those are just my workout clothes-- because, while I'm a diva.. I'm not going to ruin my best sequined top and makeup job on sweat and injury. I have some other shots, but they are more for final reference.

We took measurements, and while I'm pretty secure with myself.. I'm not quite there to be honest. That's part of what this is about. I know eventually I'll put them up for all the world (or us?) to see.. but for now they will remain a seeeeecret. Muahahahaha (evil laugh?).

So...

Rock on & Stay Tuned.


The Blobette, Out. xoxo